"Baseball This Morning", featured on XM's MLB Home Plate Channell, reported today that Joba Chaimberlain showed up at spring training with both his nipples pierced.

Yuck!

This conjured up two competing images in my mind. The first was of the rip-chords on two badly packed parachutes. The second was this:

Labels: baseball, Joba, stupid, Yankers

Realizing that I stand a chance of getting chastised by many, many of you guys out there, I hesitated at posting this at all. In the end, I had to do. But, as sort of a disclaimer, please accept the following: I still like women.

10. The calendar costs in the neighborhood of $15, and you don't get it, even if you have the expensive yearly subscription.

9. Celebrity guests. Will Ferrell. Great commedian. Not meant for swimsuit layouts.

8. They never take picture in places that I'd like to see these models. (I.E. my hometown.)

7. Half of the bikinis seen are not something you'd ever see at a beach. Lace? What in the world is lace on a swimsuit for, anyway?

6. Half of the bikinis are half bikinis! Again, topless gals are so few in my neck of the woods.

5. Sand. Sand, in general turns me off. Why? One word: Chaffing.

4. Body painting the swimsuits on. When the hell did this become cool? You know what you can't do to a model in a paint bikini? You can't touch her. You know what a model in a painted on swimsuit can't do? Swim!

3. Stupid poses. Not all, but many look like they're posing for the cover of cheap romance novels. Next year they'll probably have Fabio in Will Ferrell's place.

2. 99% of the models are under fed. This is not to say that they're not hot, but come on! Can't we get a model or two with some meat on their bones?

1. They post the prices of the swimsuits. First, who cares? My real issue is wondering what type of mathematically challenged, ego-maniacal twit would buy a bikini that cost that much? The girls would look every bit a hot in Wal-Mart swimsuits. The only one who'd suffer is the village idiot who establishes that $290 for 8 square inches of fabric is reasonable - he'd be out of a job.

Labels: list, SI, stupid, swimsuit, women

Just before the All Star Game, Sports Center and every other media outlet was talking (ad naseum) about the Yankers being in a huge hole (Red Sox with the high ground) and the Joe Torre, the manager who'd gotten that New York franchise to the post season 12 seasons in a row, was on the chopping block. Cut to October. The Yankers rage into a comeback, they get the AL Wild Card, narrowly missing the division championship. Off to the playoffs, where they lose to a remarkably tough Indian team, 3 games to 1.

Since that last game, the buzz had started buzzing again about Torre's future with the Yankers. This happened mostly because, true to his ass-head history, George Steinbrenner made a statement to the press that Torre "probably" wouldn't be brought back if they lost the ALDS. Making such a statement in the middle of the ALDSis just the typical jerk behavior that you come to expect from the egomaniacal tyrant that owns baseball's most storied team.

Yesterday, after a week of screwing around, the Yanker brass, including Steinbrenner's sons, Dill and Doe, summon Torre to Tampa to make him an offer. A cut of 1/3 in his salary, a deal limited to one year, and incentives for each level of the post season. To his credit, Torre told them to go crap in their caps.

First, only an idiot would ever take a one year deal to manage the Yankers. He would spend his whole season looking over his shoulder for the ax at every sign of trouble. Then there's the 33% cut. Sure, Torre is the highest paid manager in the MLB. He still would be, even with the cut. But when you manage the team with the highest payroll, the highest profits, and the highest expectations, you should be the highest paid manager. Moreover, when a guy manages his team to twelve consecutive post-season appearances (four of them World Series titles) lowering his salary should be considered only after things like launching the owner into space or changing the team colors to orange and pink. In other words: Never! If this were any other team in the league in the same situation with the same recent history, would they even remotely consider letting go the skipper? Absolutely not.

Let's not forget the fact that the Yankers will in all probability suck without Torre (at least initially.) Mariano Rivera is less likely to stay, as is Posada, and A-Rod, too, I think. I'm not guaranteeing that these guys are gone, but that if they do stay, it will be a bit of a surprise considering the Torre exit.

In a world where everything changes, maybe some comfort can be had by all of this. For all the years that Steinbrenner has owned the Yankees, they sucked (for the most part) until Torre. Most of the reason they were lousy? George. Now that the owner is pushing eighty, his son's first public action is to insult the man who is responsible for the first dynasty of the free-agent era in baseball. So, does it follow that we can look forward to another generation if borderline mentally ill ownership for the Bronx Bombers?

I for one hope that Torre (after a probable year off) takes a job with an AL team and kick the living you-know-what out of the Yankers every time he faces them.

See ya, Joe. You're the goods!

Labels: baseball, Red Sox, Steinbrenner, stupid, Torre, Yankers

For the second time in the last month and the third time this season, the Phillies swept the Mets. This most recent drubbing of the NL East leading team by its close runner up was highlighted by some outstanding play, some horrid play, and some foul play.

The outstanding play was, of course, the Phillies. In all three games, the Phils came from behind to win out on the strength of their offense. The horrid play, at least in game three, came from the Mets middle infield, who recorded 5 error. The foul play cam in the stands at Shea, where during game two, wearing a Phillies gear landed numerous fans in fist throwing brawls with the disgruntled supporters of New York's second best baseball club.

While I can certainly not surprised by the acrimony that the visiting teams supporters experienced (New Yorkers are only known for their brotherly love immediately after tragedies), it still seems very out of place. The Mets have no true rivalry with the Phillies. This is the closest that the Phils have been to passing the Mets in years. And even with the sweep, the Phils are still 3 1/2 games behind the Mets. Rather than the emotions of the Met fans being based in any true fear of being overtaken, I believe that the reaction of those idiots who resorted to violence is instead the byproduct of the culture that surrounds New York sports fans. They simply don't know any better.

Isn't it funny how the Mets fans feel threatened while holding a 3 1/2 game lead, while the Yanker fans insist that their 4 1/2 game deficit is not at all insurmountable. I, for one, don't think Mets have any more chance of losing the NL East than the Yankers have of winning the AL East.

Labels: baseball, fan, Mets, Phillies, photoshop, stupid, Yankers

Labels: baseball, stupid, Yankers